be S T I L L

a special thanks to Isaac O. for letting me borrow this amazing image!

Most of my posts are regarding concepts or situations I've gone through and overcome.

Today, I felt led to write about something I currently struggle with.

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know I am God."

For me, one of the hardest things in the world is saying and doing nothing... just sitting and waiting. You know, in those moments your mind begins to wonder... ideas and assumptions race through your head. From which you choose to act or not... (for me it was often the former).

I recognize now that this place has so often been the enemy's playground in my life - my need to know, to figure things out, to be two steps ahead.   Although, outwardly it appears to be a great strength. From the world's perspective I am a problem solver, great manager of ideas and situations, a multi-tasker.  However, inwardly and spiritually I struggle with the not doing; the concept of being still.

Recently, the Lord has really been stretching me and pulling this out of me! haha! My Goodness! It has been difficult! There have been many tests that I have failed, and some I have passed.

I just praise God for the successes and pray for grace for the failures. It's a process. I am constantly learning and growing, and have to allot the grace for myself for that in my own life.

Learning how not to beat myself up and how not to fix things has been tough - learning to let go and trust God in regard to being still has been an amazing, beautiful, and anxiety filled journey so far.

Looking back on this chapter of my life - i know it will be an awesome testament of God's faithfulness and His pursuit of us, as He refines us to draw us closer to Him.

So, here I stand - almost as if in quick sand. Having a great desire to at least try to wiggle myself out, but knowing the best thing for me to do is to sit still. He will pull me out of the messes I get myself in. I just have to be patient, be still, and know He is God!

H I S princess

 

Almost every young girl grows up desiring to be a princess. I didn’t. I used to envision myself living in a hut, catching my food, and roasting it over a fire pit. My realization that I was a princess didn’t actually come until later in life, when I found a relationship with Jesus Christ.

My God! He spoils me like crazy! It is absolutely ridiculous and BLOWS my mind on a regular basis.  When I think of all I am (not) deserving of and look at my life, it doesn’t make any sense.

I receive so much favor and so much love, not because I am Kamilah or because I am lucky, but because I am His! Even when I was fighting back He loved me relentlessly, but WOW… once I stopped fighting it was amazing what that allowed Him to do in my life.

I often think of my relationship with Christ as a modern day fairy tale. If I had to pick a Disney version, I’d say The Little Mermaid.  However, the book, Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, totally wrecked my life because the Lord affirmed me so much as I read this story, which so effortlessly resembled much of my own.  My life was not the same after I read that book. I began to understand God’s heart for me and His pursuit of me.  I cried every day for a week and would spend many weekends slain in the Spirit on my bedroom floor… utterly WRECKED in the best way possible.

I feel like I remember the last time the Lord reached out His hand and picked me up off of that bedroom floor. In an instant I felt myself being completely healed of so much hurt, pain, shame, and guilt.  I left all of the baggage on the floor, as He swooped me into His arms, and carried me into everything He had waiting for me. (ahhhh! God is so amazing! – I get goosebumps thinking about it)

It wasn’t until this moment on the floor I realized all that the Lord had for me. And I RAN with it! I wore my tiara so proudly. I knew my Daddy was the King of Kings & I was His Daughter – you could not tell me anything! “Hi my name is Kamilah, I am a Princess!” Everything was #HisPrincess #MyDaddyisaKing. Haha! I am sure people were looking at me puzzled thinking, she cannot be a grown woman.  But nothing really mattered to me, everything was hearts and daisies, I was floating on cloud 9 – discovering more and more about my Kingdom and my Daddy.

From that moment on, I rarely worried about anything! I knew my Daddy would work everything out for me! I mean, hello! I am a princess! It was crazy how if I even just thought about needing something, the Lord would bring someone to give it to me, before I even asked! If I heard a weird sound from my car, I could barely think about the possibility of the burden of going to the mechanic before it would get fixed FOR FREE!

I don't know if you are reading this still living in the bondage of worry, doubt, or wondering what the Lord has for you, but if you've given your life to Him - trust Him. Fall into the freedom and love He has for you!
You are His and He loves you more than you could possibly imagine!

- Signed: Your Fellow Princess

The Reason I am His Princess.

G U A R D E D heart

"Guard your heart!" they said, as if it were an effortless, no-brainer. Until broken relationship after broken relationship and ridiculously long processes of healing later,  they said, "you must do a better job of guarding your heart."
In frustration I wanted to know...  
HOW IN THE WORLD DO I EFFECTIVELY DO THAT!?

The ironic thing was very few people could give me a straight answer. The responses primarily started off with, "well, I am not really sure, but..." or "I don't know, pray about it." Now, I will preface this next comment with the following: I greatly appreciate those responses! I would much rather someone tell me they do not know or are unsure of something, than make anything up just to answer a question.

H O W E V E R, what bothers me about these responses is: 

1. so many people are going around telling others to do this without know exactly what it means or how to do this

2. THIS IS WHAT GOD TELLS US TO DO ABOVE EVERYTHING ELSE and we don't know what it means or how to do it!

Therefore, I went on a mission to uncover this not-so-no-brainer.

This mission was to find out what exactly guarding my heart meant and how to effectively do so. Here are my first 5 revelations from this journey.

1. Guarding Your Heart is like Guarding Your Mind

For some reason guarding our minds is a more tangible concept for us to wrap our heads around (haha. the pun was unintended). When we guard our minds, we simultaneously guard our eyes and our ears, carefully selecting what we expose ourselves to and casting out thoughts/ideas that shouldn't be in there.

I imagine guarding our hearts is taking that same tangible and very literal concept and applying it to our emotions and spirit man. (one of the reasons I think it is difficult for many of us to grasp this concept, is because in the U.S. modern Christianity has neglected the spiritual - - this is primarily a spiritual task) In fact, there are very few things I can do to actually guard my heart.  It really involves me not doing, more so than doing, and just receiving God's Word and being obedient to what He says.

At the end of the day effectively guarding your heart is quite literally, impossible for you to do - PERIOD. It is something only God can do - so we have to let go, listen, and let Him!

Who better to stand at the gateway of your heart anyway?

(make s
ure you're not standing next to Him at the gateway, know your place! some of us tend to think oh give God this and I'll take this, BAD idea. Check out STOLENcrown)

2. Guard Your Heart, Not Only in Romantic Relationships

If God said to protect this tool above all else, I think that's probably the one thing Satan would want to attack harder than anything else - I mean, everything you do flows from it.

And WOW! He is doing a pretty good job of it, especially since many of us prance around thinking guarding our hearts only applies to romantic relationships.

We have to guard our hearts in every relationship - friendship, work relationship, parent relationship, etc. Any opportunity for others to hurt us or for us to sin period, is an area that needs to be guarded.

Additionally, those qualities and characteristics that you think are innately you or have become a part of who you are on this journey of life... are things (good or bad) in your heart. The sin is what we need to guard our hearts from.  It becomes very difficult, especially with the sin in our hearts that we have rationalized or excused, thinking the Lord created us that way - because we've been a certain way since "birth". Unfortunately, we have also been under attack since the moment our tiny little lives collided with this world at conception. Regardless of how long sin has been tempting, attacking, or distracting us while making it's home in our hearts, we have to call it what it is and let the Lord effectively remove and guard us from it.   

3. This is NOT a Game  

Your heart hides sin! And it hides it well! However, it is that sin in your HEART that will separate you from God. I had a taste of true darkness once, ONCE ... right after that I put on my "Jesus Freak" T-shirt and started studying Paul (you guys, Paul plays NO games!) This war for our hearts is so serious.

There are so many couseling and Dr. Phil shows in the world, I am certain we can grasp the concept of how important it is to get to the root of problems; if you get to the root, you can control everything else. So you say, oh I just curse, gossip, get drunk, have sex with random nobodies occasionally - don't judge me! remove the plank in your eye! ... (side eye) Yeah umm, I will but I don't want you ignorantly walking yourself straight into Hell while I am working on myself (because that process will never end) : Matthew 15:18-19 says ^"But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.  
For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies"

Remember, anything that is not of God is of Satan. Don't forget that.
Even the smallest things (which stem from something much bigger in your heart)

God tells us to fight back by hiding His Word in our H E A R T S in Psalm 119:11. He tells us to HIDE it there. Not to place it there. Hiding implies somebody is coming to look for and take it.

You don't want to lose this fight. You've got to know the Word so that you can fight back.
This is NOT a game.

Literal Steps to Take On the Journey to Guarding Your Heart

1. You can't, so don't try. Seriously, submit EVERYTHING to the Lord.

2. Constantly pray that God reveal the sin in your heart! Trust me, He will! He doesn't want to be separated from us either! Just keep your eyes open for when He shows it to you.

3. When God reveals that sin in your heart, REPENT & RUN AWAY from that sin (like it is the plague!). If the Lord gave you specific steps to take to separate yourself from that sin, be obedient and do it. If you don't feel like you heard from the Lord on how to separate yourself, keep praying, use wisdom to do what you can, and ask your spiritual mentors.

4. Confess it & get a group of prayer warriors, warring on your behalf. (Ladies, there is seriously a war going on for our hearts - don't be ill-equipped. I CONFESS & submit EVERYTHING to my prayer sisters. I know my place. I am, at my best, a disgusting human being in need of grace.)

5. Don't take things personally. (don't take things to heart) Guarding my heart has been so much easier since I learned not to take things in life personally - both good and bad. My expectations for other humans is extremely low. We live in  a fallen world you guys, people need a ton of grace anyway (including myself). If I take everything personally it becomes difficult for me to extend the level of grace and love required to love others back to Christ anyway.



The Reason I am Guarding My Heart.

H A R V E S T I N G in N.America

To be completely honest, The Parables of Jesus are absolutely mortifying to me.

In fact a huge arm of this blog "Fertilly" seeded (fertilly is not a word, btw i made it up for my purposes) is in direct reference to one of them, in an effort to constantly remind & to hold me accountable to all of the Parables.

I don't want to be like the one who hid their treasures in the ground or like rocks, good for nothing but walking on.  I want to be wise and fertile ground. I want the Lord to throw His seeds all on me because He knows that a great harvest will be produced.

That being said, one of the biggest obstacles I face is ministering ("harvesting") in the U.S.  I love international missions. Going to the most desolate, desperate places and introducing individuals to the abundance they find in relationship with Jesus Christ ... is A M A Z I N G! Their faith is at remarkable levels and therefore, God totally blows our minds every single time.

In the U.S. comfort, arrogance, and pride are too often my opponent.  I have the hardest time ministering to someone who has "everything" and knows "everything".  The Word has been so distorted in the U.S... a bit of God here (pulled completely out of context), mixed with a whole lot of LIES. But how do you tell someone who achieved "success" and "happiness" standing on their "scriptures" that this lifestyle they are promoting, based on the "scriptures" they put together, is actually not Biblically sound?

Well, if you're like me you just ask a ton of questions so you can be extra specific when you pray for them. You let your lifestyle become your ministry and be open to opportunities to pour into the lives around you and introduce them to Christ.

I truly believe ministering in the US is one of the most difficult tasks. It requires you to patiently fight comfort by becoming uncomfortable; and arrogance and pride with humility.  It is often a long journey that requires a ton of perseverance, patience, grace, and genuine relationship.

As hard and challenging as my day to day endeavors are in the States, I have to remind myself to get uncomfortable NOW, this time is nothing compared to eternity.

This is the Reason I am ... HARVESTING in N. America.

G I R L S with S W O R D S

A couple of weeks ago I stumbled into a women's small group at my church. I had no invitation or materials, just a nudge to be there.  Thankfully, the women welcomed me with open arms!

The small group was called "Girls with Swords" based on the book & devotional by Lisa Bevere.

Immediately, I cocked my head back in awe of His perfect timing, YESS!!! I was so excited about the concept of GIRLS with SWORDS! It fed my Xena warrior princess alter ego that I have in the spirit!  I stumbled into the second to last of classes that had been going on for 2 months, so needless to say, I missed a ton! But, what was said in that session completely B L E W my mind!!

Lisa spoke about all of the different types of spiritual swords we carry as women, their purpose, and when to properly use them.  Seriously, it was AMAZING!!!

This curriculum really blessed me, I had to share this with you! Maybe your church could host a course, or you could lead one!

I know it could bless you & your community as well!

P R E S S I N G in

i L O V E this image. this is what i want my life to look like to those around me. i want my life to be laid prostrate before His throne daily. i want each moment to be worship. i want to be completely lost in the love of Jesus Christ.

I remember when I would rush home after work, throw my things down, run into my room, and close the door. I'd sit on my bed and the Lord would just begin to speak and I would feel Him! 

Ah! His presence...

I lived for those moments! and they came so easily.

Until they stopped coming so easily, and the Lord required me to really P R E S S in, to experience more of Him.  I refer to as P R E S S I N G in as being similar to what David described as commanding his soul, how Jacob wrestled with God, or Jesus in Luke 22:44. They were pressing in!

They had to press past their emotions, distractions, and opposition to get into the presence of God.

And their lives were never the same once they left that moment.

I have to ask myself often, how often do I throw up 5 minute prayers and miss getting into the presence of God because I am being lazy or because I'm tired or because I couldn't feel Him? When am I going to stop being led by the flesh and take the time to P R E S S in, even if it takes hours!?  

This is one of the hardest things for me because it requires a lot of discipline. 

Some strategies that have helped me P R E S S in when I don't just feel His presence instantly:

1. I always start my quiet time by repenting

(sin separates us from  God, this time is for me to get closer to Him so I start here)

2. Read Scripture or a Devotional Book

3. Determine how that scripture is relevant to your life & W R I T E it down!

(it is always relevant!)

4.   Thank God for speaking & thank Him for everything else He has done today

(from the smallest things - like clean underwear to the larger things)

5. Lay your burdens before Him - Speak them!

(visualize yourself leaving them at the throne of God)

6. Lay your life at the throne - Speak it!

(visualize it!)

7. Worship! Until the Lord starts speaking

8. Be quiet & listen

by the end, that picture up top is pretty much my life. sprawled out somewhere, completely L O S T in love!

i get butterflies just talking about that place!

Remember P R E S S I N G in has nothing to do with how hungry you are to get in the presence of God. In fact, it is the complete opposite, it is chasing Him when you have no desire, its not optimal, and when you don't think your eyes will stay open one more second. 

similar to working out, once you get through it you'll be so glad you did. 

keep P R E S S I N G. this is training ground for what's to come! 

J O U R N A Ling

I love quiet time/ reading on my jumbo round couch, driving, or just sitting in my car pulled over to the side of the road... because that is when my mind is silent enough for me to hear the Lord speaking most clearly.

After the Lord speaks to you, what do you do?

I would normally just get really excited and say "Wow!", "I am going to do that!" or call and tell someone what was just revealed to me.  Rarely did I write things down... writing was boring, made my hands hurt, and took forever!

However, the Lord does not say tell the vision, the Lord instructs us to "write the vision".  So, I pushed my spoiled little emotions to the side, told them to shut up, and picked my pen up.  The reward of journaling may not be evident immediately (if it never becomes evident to you, it doesn't matter - someone may find your journal years after you have left the earth and it may lead them to Jesus - just do it in obedience).

My reward in journaling is reading what I have written years later. I am reminded of where I was, who I was, and what the Lord spoke into my life.  I am taken back to the most amazing moments in my life and am instantly reignited. Or I am reminded of the toughest moments and remember how the Lord brought me through! Either way the outcome is the same. My passion and fire for God and my purpose are set ablaze!

I challenge you to find the place where your spirit is the quietest, start journaling. and be open to however the Lord speaks to you in the process!